


Complete Abstraction

by Goodnight_Sweetheart



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! - All Media Types, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: AO3 doesn't have an adequate tag to describe a close Bakura Ryou x Katsuya Jounouchi relationship, Euroshipping, M/M, Peachshipping (peripheral), Platonic Ryou & Jounouchi & Yuugi & Anzu relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 12:25:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16576451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goodnight_Sweetheart/pseuds/Goodnight_Sweetheart
Summary: Ryou Bakura defines himself by his relationships to other peopleー to his classmates, to his friends, to what little remains of his family, and especially to his romantic partners. Because for as long as he can remember, his feelings of self-assurance and confidence have been perpetually hinged upon how well he can maintain his roles in these relationships, and reorienting himself to focus solely on the needs of his partner has been Ryou’s modus operandi ever since he started dating.And with every breakup, he is forced to ask himself the same question he’s never been able to answer without someone else to answer it for him.Who are you?





	Complete Abstraction

 

Ryou refreshes the page for the seventh time, watching the little loading icon at the top of his screen as it buffers and reloads again.

 

He knows he shouldn’t be doing this. He knows he has a tendency to fixate and obsess over things he can neither control nor benefit from in any way. And yet every time the screen reloads and shows his ex-boyfriend’s latest profile picture and new relationship status, Ryou obsessively searches the page for anything relating to his ex’s new partner.

 

Two weeks.

 

Two weeks is an awfully short time to go from dating, to single, and then to “in a relationship” again, isn’t it?

 

But that’s exactly what Ryou’s ex has accomplished in the past fourteen days: luring in some poor, unsuspecting soul to be his rebound, likely for the sole purpose of spiting him. Meanwhile, what Ryou has accomplished in the interim is trying every flavor of ice cream at the local convenience store while trying (and failing miserably) to forget about his ex through continuous Monster World gameplay and horror movie marathons.

 

He lowers his head to hang just above the keyboard of his laptop, abjectly miserable as he berates himself for stalking the various profiles of his ex online. He knows that it’s patheticーbeyond pathetic, evenー to care so deeply about the relationship status of a man that _he_ broke up with, but his rational mind is currently taking a back seat to the machinations of his emotions.

 

And his emotions don’t fucking care that Ryou was the one to initiate the break up, because no one wants to find out that the man they dated for seven months has moved on from them.

 

In _two weeks_.

 

Ryou had put everything on the line for this relationship, as he’s done with all of his relationships, making a string of bad decisions to please his partner that only resulted in his boyfriend learning that it’s okay to treat him badly. Because that’s what Ryou doesー he tries so hard to please the people that express an interest in him that eventually they learn he’ll just continue to give and give regardless of whether they put any effort into the relationship at all.

 

But his ex’s refusal to apologize for the belittling comment he made about Ryou continually writing letters to Amane, Ryou’s prematurely departed younger sister, pushed Ryou to his breaking point. So Ryou is still newly single while his ex is newly in a relationship, and he hates himself for regretting breaking up with the creep.

 

(But he regrets it anyway, just like he always does.)

 

Because Ryou Bakura defines himself by his relationships to other peopleー to his classmates, to his friends, to what little remains of his family, and especially to his romantic partners. Because for as long as he can remember, his feelings of self-assurance and confidence have been perpetually hinged upon how well he can maintain his roles in these relationships, and reorienting himself to focus solely on the needs of his partner has been Ryou’s modus operandi ever since he started dating.

 

And with every breakup, he is forced to ask himself the same question he’s never been able to answer without someone else to answer it for him.

 

_Who are you?_

 

***

 

It’s obvious, and you know it,” Jounouchi says flatly, levelling Ryou with an even gaze from across the cafe table. “You wanna find security, and validation, and all the things people-pleasers like you need to feel good about themselves, and you think you’re gonna find that kind of thing in a relationship. So you accept the first decent-seeming person with an interest in you, keep giving ‘em everything you got even after you realize it’s not gonna work out, and only decide to cut your losses when it’s too late, when you can no longer avoid listening to the voice of reasonー or to, y’know, your friends,” he finishes evenly, an unusually pointed intensity punctuating his speech.

 

Ryou can’t help but visibly wince at the directness of Jounouchi’s delivery, the underlying frustration in the blonde’s tone causing painful twinges to begin in his chest. As the very first friend that Ryou made upon moving to Domino City in high school, Ryou has had more than enough time to accustom himself to the duelist’s blunt demeanor and refusal to sugarcoat his perspective. But Ryou has had very little opportunity over the years to practice being on the receiving end of that sharp and heated gaze, a realization that causes the guilt-laden twinging to progress into a throbbing ache.

 

Jounouchi has offered guidance, advice, comfort, and even thinly-veiled threats of violence aimed at his ex throughout the process of Ryou’s most recent breakup. It’s a familiar dynamic, as Jounouchi has made it a point throughout the years to assure Ryou that he hasn’t deserved any of the vitriol aimed at him by spiteful past partners, and that he can do much better. Yet Ryou can’t help but feel that he’s disappointed Jounouchi somehow ーdisappointed every one of his friends sitting at the table, all of whom have watched Ryou go through the process of a painful breakup too many times to recall.

 

Anzu catches Ryou’s downcast gaze, letting out an exasperated sigh as she pins Jounouchi with a significant look, an action clearly signifying that they would be having _a talk_ about this later. “I think that what Jounouchi means to say,” she intones softy, leaning forward over the table to address Ryou with sympathetic eyes, “is that you’re too caring for your own good. You’ve made a habit out of putting others before yourself, built a lifestyle around it, even. That’s one of the reasons we love you, Ryou; everyone here knows how selfless and giving you are,” she says with a fond smile. “We only want to make sure that your relationships are as open and reciprocal as, as someone as warm-hearted and magnanimous as you deserves,” she pronounces gently, subconsciously moving her right hand to squeeze her boyfriend’s as she shifts her gentle smile from Ryou to Yugi.

 

Ryou can’t help but sink down a little lower into his seat, eyes shifting to avoid having to look at the couple sitting across from him. He can’t help but feel that he’d been sufficiently chastised by Jounouchi’s admonishment alone.

 

He’s more than happy to know that Anzu and Yugi’s combined state of mutual bliss has kept the two very much in love over the course of their five month relationship. But having to bear witness to the duo’s almost unrealistically perfect romance within the context of discussing his own string of disastrous relationships feels almost deliberately cruel.

 

Ryou instead directs his attention to the busy cafe bustling with energy around him. He can’t help but be reminded of when he and his ex had frequented this cafe during the early stages of their relationship, when he had been so blissfully happy. He tries and fails to avoid resting his attention on another young couple sitting at a nearby table, their own radiant smiles and obvious affection making them practically mirror images of the couple sitting across from Ryou. He wonders briefly if the unknown couple’s relationship will end as bitterly as his own has. Maybe, if they’re lucky enough to have friends as caring, compassionate, and considerate as Ryou’s own, that couple’s friends will feel the need to stage an embarrassingly public intervention for them, too.

 

Ryou’s train of thought is suddenly dispelled by Jounouchi’s disbelieving snort, an action that earns him yet another dirty look from Anzu and a mildly questioning gaze from Yugi.

 

“Relationships aren’t charity, Anzu,” Jounouchi says emphatically, “selflessness and giving and, y’know, and magneticism or whatever, don’t have no place in ‘em. Sure, you and Yugi here can be all ideal and say as much romantic stuff as you want, but you been knowing each other since childhood,” he points out. His hands are moving rapidly as he speaks, as though he can bat away every dirty look being thrown at him with each word if he just moves them fast enough. Clearly, this is not how Anzu has scripted the intervention to go. “Ryou doesn’t have that option, there’s no childhood crush waiting in the wings or whatever, and I’m not gonna tell him it’s okay to let these assholes keep walking all over him just because he has a, a gentle soul and a magnetic spirit or something.”

 

Yugi gapes at Jounouchi with wide, surprised eyes and a slack jaw, while Anzu makes the face of someone who is obviously trying very hard to hold their tongue. Ryou begins to feels a sense of hilarity creeping up his spine towards his throat, as though at any moment he may begin laughing hysterically at the absurdity of it all. No, this intervention has not gone as planned, not if any of the trio’s past attempts at speaking to Ryou about his relationships are anything to go by.

 

“It would be so simple if the only thing I had to do to get you thinking straight was just tell you all this, just give you a wake-up call. But you know all this already, don’t you?” Jounouchi intones heatedly, fixing Ryou in place with a gaze of such raw emotional honesty that he cannot possibly deflect. “You’ve been doing this all throughout high school and university, and it’s never worked out for you once. Yet you’d rather keep jumpin’ into relationships with assholes who don’t deserve you than be single, because being single means not having someone else to focus on pleasing. It means having to focus on yourself, and what you want, and on your own insecurities and issues, and it’s exactly what you  _need_ , and you know it,” Jounouchi informs him sharply, impassioned and armed with a depth of knowledge that leaves Ryou feeling suddenly very exposed.

 

The sense of hilarity creeping into Ryou’s throat is mixing unpleasantly with the throbbing ache of guilt hollowing out his chest. He feels suddenly like a tiny, transparent object, a dragonfly’s wing, being slid under the hot and bright intensity of the light below a microscope’s lens. He doesn’t remember ever once giving express permission for a human being to dissect him mercilessly under the heat of their gaze, ever once expressly agreeing to trade in his polite distance for this sort of too-close intimacy.

 

And yet if there were any room left in his chest between the trembling beginnings of hysteria and the insistent clawings of guilt, he’s sure that he would feel affection.

 

And terror.

 

“I want to say that I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ryou admits quietly, voice cautiously low as he stanches the impulse to deny being known so intimately. “I want to say that you’re wrong. That you don’t know me so well as you think you do. That you’re just projecting. That these aren’t your issues to dissect...” _That there are still parts of me that the three of you haven’t taken apart and then put back together again_ , he thinks bitterly, almost childishly.

 

He takes a trembling breath that feels as much like an admission as it does a denial, pausing to collect himself before he ruins the illusion completely. “But you’re right. I know exactly what I’m doing. And I keep doing it anyway.”

 

There is a collective sigh of relief from the couple sitting across from him, no more than a slight exhalation of breath and a significant untensing of shoulders that speaks volumes to Ryou. But Jounouchi only leans further across the table in Ryou’s direction, impassioned gaze still searching for something apparently missing in Ryou’s admission.

 

Ryou doesn’t blame him. None of his friends’ previous attempts to dissuade him from his usual pattern of behavior had ever been effective in stopping Ryou from voluntarily catering to the lying jerks and cheating assholes that he’s consistently agreed to date since high school. For the first time, Ryou is left actively hoping that the heat of Jounouchi’s fervent gaze can make him appear as transparent and unambiguous as Jounouchi himself.

 

“The most important thing is that you’re finally acknowledging it, Ryou,” Yugi says with a simultaneous smile and a sigh, his heart swelling with that tender, nameless emotion he feels at knowing that Ryou is winning the fight against his own desire to remain at a safe distance. “I know that your breakup hit you hardー and that’s fine. It’s normal to feel disillusioned and even depressed, especially after what that jerk said to you. But while you can’t do anything about your past relationships, you _can_ do something about your future relationships.” Yugi pauses as he leans toward Ryou over the table, waiting until his light-haired friend makes eye contact before emphatically giving his final piece of advice. “ _Stop fixating._ You were right to break up with your past partners. They treated you badly, and you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who treats you well. But you can’t achieve that by jumping into relationships, Ryou. That pattern needs to end, immediately, so that you can just focus on yourself.”

 

Ryou nods almost imperceptibly as he averts his gaze from the knowing depths of Yugi’s fathomless eyes, only to once again have his train of thought derailed and his attention abruptly reclaimed.

 

“ _Please_ , Ryou, I need you to promise that you’ll stop,” Jounouchi pleads, voice wavering with dangerous levels of emotion that Ryou does not dare allow himself to linger on. The consistent aching waves of guilt in his chest have increased to the intensity of tidal waves, seemingly summoned in an instant by the twin beads of moisture shining in his blonde friend’s honey-colored eyes. “I need you to promise you’ll stop trying to please every guy who offers you a relationshipー that instead of settling for some creep, you’ll consider yourself first. I need you to promise me, _please_. Do it for me. Because you obviously won’t do it for yourself.”

 

Ryou slowly shifts his gaze from Jounouchi to rest on the couple sitting across from him, only to find himself overwhelmed by the the flood of emotion that overtakes him when he realizes there are very real tears in all three of his friends’ eyes. How many times has Jounouchi been on the verge of giving him this speech, only for Ryou to ignore him? How many times have Anzu and Yugi made these hurt and desperate faces, only for Ryou to keep on hurting himself and his friends in his irrational quest to please his many boyfriends?

 

“I promise,” Ryou begins softly, voice tentative and warbling slightly even as his heart begins to fill with resolve. “I promise you. All of you... I’m going to focus on myself first from now on. On my insecurities, and my ambitions, and figuring out who I am when I’m not in a relationship. And, and everything else that I’ve been avoiding by datingー by dating _him_ , and everyone before him,” Ryou whispers hoarsely, his ex's name getting caught in his throat and leaving his voice thick with emotion. “I’m tired of feeling this way, so euphorically happy at the beginning and then miserable after the break up… I promise that I won’t jump into another relationship. I don’t think that anyone here deserves the pain.”

 

“ _Good_ ,” Jounouchi chokes out abruptly, wavering smile on display and eyes shining brightly even from behind the watery veil of tears. “Because that last one almost killed me, Ryou. Well, I almost killed him, the damn bastard,” he grumbles lowly, rough tone completely at odds with the way his left hand shoots up to dry the corners of his eyes before disappearing back under the table. “It completely shot my self-control to keep from jumpin’ that assholeー only thing that stopped me is knowing the rich bastard would have my ass in court. Guess that’s what I get for havin’ a friend with expensive taste... Next time, make sure you know they got money _and_ class before you date ‘em, got it? No one here’s saying you can’t date or nothing, but if you’re gonna date rich you should make sure they’re at least decent and generous, too,” Jounouchi amends seriously. “Y’know, use your magneticism or whatever to attract a guy with a heart at least half the size of his wallet. And always remember, a standard wallet shouldn’t be any bigger than half the size of his dー”

 

“ _Katsuya Jounouchi,_ ” Anzu’s admonishing voice suddenly warns. Although Ryou is now feeling markedly free from the storm of oppressive guilt that had been raging within the confines of his chest only minutes ago, the juxtaposition of Anzu’s scandalized face and her chastising, school-teacher tone are causing the tendrils of hilarity to begin wrapping around Ryou’s throat with a vicious resurgence.

 

“C’mon, Anz’,” Jounouchi begins in his most placating tone, only the subtle beginnings of a smirk at the corner of his mouth betraying his true intentions. “He worked with the last asshole for over a yearー That’s a solid nine-to-five, five damn days a week, plus all the overtime hours that went into seein’ the bastard outside work. If he’s not at least gettin’ a hefty Christmas bonus outta a commitment like that ーplus a little extra _compensation_ for all that work put in on the weekendsー my man is getting fuckin’ cheated.”

 

Anzu struggles to find the proper response, an accusatory finger raised in midair toward the blonde duelist as she struggles to regain her waning composure. Her boyfriend sputters unhelpfully beside her, his complexion undergoing a sudden transformation as the implications of his friend’s words slowly begin to register in his mind.

 

Jounouchi only grins to himself, smugly satisfied with what he’s already been able to accomplish even as he goes in for the kill. “What? Don’t act like you don’t already know what I’m talkin’ about, miss priss,” he defends himself inelegantly, all affectations of innocence now replaced in favor of his usual teasing grin. “It’s not like I’m tellin’ him he has to marry rich. But if he’s gonna keep up the trend of money bag boyfriends, he should bag one who isn’t stingy and knows how to spread the wealth a littleー if you know what I’m sayin’.”

 

Anzu practically screeches in lieu of a reply, her head coming down to rest against the cafe table with an impromptu thud as her boyfriend’s face steadily reddens beside her.

 

Ryou, deciding conclusively that he is not a strong enough man _not_ to laugh at the couple’s misfortune, barely has time to cover his mouth in a polite effort to be discreet before the peals of laughter rise unbidden to his throat. Jounouchi’s wide, self-congratulatory grin and Anzu and Yugi’s joint expressions of indignation and embarrassment only seem to grow more pronounced the more he laughs, which only prompts him to laugh harder.

 

It lends an absurdist twist to what has already been a particularly unconventional and almost surreal meeting with his friends. Ryou is left feeling strangely hollowed out and yet conspicuously heavy at the same time, the significance of what he has promised not lost on him despite their quick return to normalcy.

 

Ryou doesn’t consider himself to be a particularly strong person. He is as considerate and selfless as a young man of his years can be, introspective and self-critical to a fault, and limitless in his devotion. But his will-power is both finite and limited, as is his strength. His desire for validation, for approval and affection from others, has exhausted both of these resources more times than he count. Ryou’s dedication to his previous partners has been intense and unadulterated, obsessive at worst and overwhelming at best, and born almost exclusively from his compulsive need to seek out personal fulfilment through others. And despite being aware that the cycle he was engaging in was as perpetually self-defeating as it was painful, he actively continued to choose years of suffering in poisonous relationships over time spent suffering by the design of his own solitude.

 

His desire for validation was just that great.

 

And yet, all of the warmth, devotion, and dedication that Ryou has felt for his previous partnersー

his compulsive and all-consuming need to gain their approval as well as their affection and commitmentー

and the sleepless, restless hunger for physical intimacy and emotional companionship that prompts him to give more, more, more of himself in an effort not to be thrown away and left on his own...

 

It all seems to pale in comparison to the sense of overwhelming loyalty, attachment, and gratitude he feels for the three idiots before him. And while Ryou may not be strong enough to fulfill his promise for the sake of saving himself from this cycle, he knows that can he can do it for them.

 

Yes, he’ll do it for them.

 


End file.
